I think it’s incredible how my life turned around ever since I decided to start practicing spirituality again. The good news is that even though I haven’t been writing for a while, at least the beginning was recorded on this blog. So I know exactly where to look back and compare.
I continue to do my spiritual rituals. I read a lot less, just because I don’t need so much anymore, and I don’t have the time. But I still read every morning and meditate. It helps enormously.
The place where I started volunteering decided to pay me because, well, I am so darned good they think. So for now, I am being paid until the end of September. That’s good. It’s a chunk of money I wasn’t expecting that will give me peace of mind for a while until I find another job.
Friends have come back into my life out of the blue. Just last Friday I went for dinner with a friend I hadn’t seen in 8 years, because she now lives in another city. I was telling her how I thought that my former co-workers hated me. It turns out she thought I’d been nice, cheerful, and friendly. This is news to me. But I believe what happened was that my negative mindset filtered out the many good experiences and kept the focus on the few bad ones.
So, anyway, I am back in “business.” My life isn’t perfect but it is more normal that it had been for a few years. But I’m focusing on being me 100%, on not beating myself up for my mistakes, and on letting life flow as it will. I am actually determined to do away with guilt. That’s the detestable gift I received from my mother that I am throwing out the window for good.
And speaking of my mother, I continue to hear stories of her talking trash about me. And I think enough is enough. There is no reason why I should pursue any kind of relationship with someone who hates me that much. So, again, goodbye mother. I just can’t let anything make me unhappy. I am tired of feeling unhappy.
So, even though I am aware that hardly anyone reads this blog, here is my status, for record keeping purposes.