I was a fundamentalist Christian for most of my life. Then I became an atheist. Now I’m a spiritual skeptic.
I’m not sure there is a god, so that makes me an agnostic. However, having been religious for so long created in me the need for spiritual practices. I used to love praying and worshiping. It did something for me. It didn’t matter whether there was someone listening. It didn’t matter if the religion was all wrong. The sensations and emotional release I experienced during spiritual practices gave me a high. Some people experience that kind of high when they go for a run. Others get it when dancing. Many others experience great joy when talking about science and atheism. I experience such joy when I practice spirituality.
This blog is my journal of experimenting with spirituality even though I’m an agnostic. In many ways, I have come to the conclusion that if I want a spiritual experience, it’s OK to create my own god, cafeteria style, one that helps me, loves me, and encourages me. She never threatens me with hell or punishment. And she is there to hug me when I need a bear hug. Who is to say that in so doing I’m not tapping into some sort of universal power?
So, there you go. I’m honest enough to admit that my beliefs are self made for my own benefit. Truth be told, that’s true of the religious as well. They just want to make us think they all believe the same, but it isn’t true. Every person has his or her own idea of the divine, tainted by their religion to varying degrees.
My belief s are tainted as well. I have been heavily influenced by New Though, which has been popularized by motivational speakers, and the Unity and Religious Science movements. I’m a pagan of sorts, but skeptical at that. While I like the spiritual practices, I keep the right to believe only that which makes sense to me. In that sense, this is an individual journey, but I’m not inventing the wheel either.