I’m quite busy these days, with summer, volunteer work and all. But I continue reading and practicing my spiritual disciplines. I love meditating. Which is, you know, sitting there for a while trying to think about nothing. It is so relaxing. I do it at the tune of Nature Music on cable TV.
The reading is what keeps me going, though. Yesterday, I was getting upset because I have a “user” who wants to micromanage my team. I say “my” because I’m the team leader. Then, I read in some book that most things that bother us or that we get upset about don’t matter at all. I immediately remembered many incidents in which I was agitated, offended, or whatever. Looking back, the stuff I was taking so seriously didn’t matter one little bit. That realization stopped the negativity, and allowed me to enjoy a few hours of worry free bliss, which is so rare for me.
I don’t know if there is a supernatural force behind all there is–or if it is all natural. But I know that ever since I started talking to the Universe, or to the source of all life, acknowledging that I’m part of it, my life has changed tremendously. I needed that connection with my inner self. I needed a place to figure things out on my own, a way to find psychological release.
One thing that really helps is to count one’s blessing. I’ve been doing that. An incredible number of good things have happened to me in a short period of 3 weeks or so. Of course, all that could’ve happened even if I hadn’t been keeping my spiritual practice. However, I now notice. And keeping my mind on good things is half the battle, because it makes me feel special. It helps me walk with my chin up expecting more good stuff.
There are folks who are naturally optimistic and expect good things of life. Those folks probably don’t need to practice rituals. But I do. And I have nothing against anyone who can do without said rituals. I figure we all need to do whatever it takes to live another day, and reading and meditating is what I have chosen to do.
But, what has been so good? I got out of the house to meet others. I have met all kinds of cool people from all walks of life, and I love it. I have gained a new trust in the human race. I’m no so afraid of people anymore… just a little bit.
I got a volunteer job that I love and gets me out of the house daily. I’m working with former classmates and friends whom I love and love me. That is extremely important to me.
All kinds of good deals have come my way. I find money on sidewalks. People give me things. I discover incredible deals. Today, for example, we happened to be downtown and decided to go to Sears. We discovered they were having a sale. We went in and spent $300.00. He bought 10 pairs of pants, 3 sweaters, and other stuff. I bought 8 blouses, 4 pants, and a purse. We basically have new wardrobes, for $300.00.
Out of the blue, I got a job interview. My instructor sent the resume. I don’t know what will come of it. But at least I’ll practice my interview skills.
So basically, in 4 weeks, I’ve gotten myself a whole new life, and I like it. I still feel wobbly. I feel like I just stood up and somebody can put a finger on my shoulder and push me backwards. I feel like a toddler trying to walk and feeling afraid to fall any second. But at least I’m finally walking, after 6 years of isolation and depression.
I don’t know what the future has for me. I’m going to have to take it one day at a time. Because I’m darned scared of thinking longer than that.